Pool parties are a central component of any summer worth celebrating. If you don’t have access to a pool, you need to either befriend or bribe someone who does if you haven’t already. Then, you need to convince them to buy this insane floating picnic table to really take advantage of the season.
This is not a drill: the Sam’s Club website is currently selling a big, blue floating picnic table that it describes as “stable, durable, and easily moved” and “enjoyable for as many as 5 adults.”
In essence, it’s exactly what it says it is—a picnic table that floats. But think of the endless possibilities: pretty much anything you can do at a traditional picnic table on dry land is now in play. It’s great for having a picnic obviously. Drinking (and table-based drinking games) just got more fun. And there’s nothing like a high-stakes card game where the loser gets tossed overboard. The only limits are your imagination and your swimming ability.
This isn’t a true seaworthy vessel. You won’t find any sails, oars, or outboard motors that work with this thing. You won’t want to take it over any rapids or near any large maritime vessels. Still, there’s nothing like being able to embark on a Dionysian pleasure voyage while you laugh at all the landlubbers casting envious glares from the shore.
Of course, there’s a catch: This thing retails for $598. That’s unfortunately not a typo. Maybe you can start a Gofundme or pool your crew’s money to acquire the most badass floating table on the market. And once global warming causes water levels to rise and certain parts of the coastline become uninhabitable, this may be the best place for you to sit down and have lunch whether you like it or not. When you look at it that way, this summer’s must-have pool accessory is even more of a great investment.
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